even my farts smell like vagina
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
