thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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