My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
