so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
