I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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