I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
