I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
