May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
