you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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