is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
