I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
