Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
