Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
