My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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