seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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