I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
