Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
