You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
