Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
