Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
