remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
