i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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