just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
