You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
