he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
