So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
