I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
