Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
two words...techno handjob
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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