would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
