Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
