I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
