After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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