Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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