Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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