ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
