ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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