Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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