I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
