Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

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(913): View more from Kansas

Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this

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(813): View more from Florida

Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!

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(207): View more from Maine

Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits

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