everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
