i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
