I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
