Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
