Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
