you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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