mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
