My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
