So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
