Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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