Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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