i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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